I’m a guy who hasn’t gotten much off the beaten path in terms of sex, if you know what I mean. I feel really comfortable with my new girlfriend, though, and I think I’m ready to start trying some new things. One thing she suggested is that she put her fingers up my butt during sex! Do other guys do this? Will it hurt? Would it even feel good? I’m interested, but I’m not sure what to think.
What your girlfriend is (probably) talking about is prostate massage, and to answer your first question—hell yes, other guys do it. The prostate is a big part of what makes anal sex and stimulation enjoyable for men (and women, as I’ll mention later), and trust me, it IS enjoyable. That said, like any sexual activity, it’s a good idea to learn about it first, so I’m glad you wrote. Your prostate is a roughly kiwi sized gland (though it gets bigger when you’re turned on) located below your bladder. It secretes the alkaline fluid that, when you make the horrible mistake or informed reproductive choice of not wearing a condom, protects your sperm from the acidic environment of your girlfriend’s vaginal tract. The fun part, though, is that you can orgasm from prostate stimulation alone. You can do this on your own, or with a partner, with or without toys. Either way, it’s good to use a lot of lube and get relaxed (and aroused) first- it may be something to build up to if you’re not used to penetration, but don’t get discouraged. I promise it won’t be nearly as gross inside there as you imagine, by the way, but go to the bathroom first if it helps. Only a small amount of tissue separates the inside of your butt from your prostate at about a finger’s length in, so finding it shouldn’t be too hard for you, especially if you’re already turned on. After that, it’s just a matter of finding the movements that work for you. Be gentle, especially starting out! You can hurt yourself if you get too rough. In any event, prostate orgasms are usually more intense and longer lasting than what you get from jerking off- I find the two complement each other fantastically. They make toys specifically for prostate massage that work very well (actually, just a normal vibrator will work great). You can also try wearing a butt plug during sex or masturbation, which provides a small but constant amount of prostate stimulation and can really make things more fun.
It would be remiss of me not to mention, by the way, that women have prostates too! Yes, that’s right. An organ on female-bodied folks previously called Skene’s gland is homologous to the male-bodied prostate in every way, including secretion, and in fact, was officially renamed the prostate in 2002 by anatomical convention. Have you ever heard of women squirting during orgasm? That fluid (almost certainly) comes from the prostate- I’ll spare you the scientific evidence. Anyway, it turns out women can benefit from prostate stimulation too, and it’s been suggested that it plays a significant role in vaginal orgasm. Women’s prostates vary more in size and sensitivity than men’s, but they’re definitely there to explore.
So, anyway, here comes the big ugly question. Drumroll, please. Does prostate stimulation make you gay?
No. No it doesn’t, and that’s a silly question. It’s a part of your body that can make you feel great, and your relationship with your body has nothing to do with the gendered bits of your sexuality. A guy who wants his girlfriend to penetrate him during sex is a guy who wants to have sex with his girlfriend, no more, no less. Wait, scratch that, actually it’s more—he’s a guy who has the guts to explore his sexuality without giving in to ridiculous social expectations. News flash! Homophobia isn’t good for anyone, including straight guys. So drop your pants and fight homophobia (and sexual frustration) by having fun! After all, the personal is political, so the extra-personal has to be extra-political, right?
In lieu of a second letter, and in the vein of trying new things in bed, these few positions could help spice up your sex life and make your bed rock. If you and your partner are experiencing some boredom under the sheets, try switching it up. Different positions will not only add some heat to your romance but could also help you stretch and work out some new muscles (see our previous article about sex before sports games).
The dancer. Who says you have to have sex in bed? This is a standing position. You and your partner stand facing each other. One of you raises the other’s leg up, about waist high, and holds it there. This position offers easy penetration (of any sort). It can also be a nice intimate position because it calls for face to face interaction.
Scissors. This is a fun intertwining position where you and your partner lie on your sides at somewhere around a 90 degree angle to each other. Your partner wraps his/her/zer legs around one of yours. This one offers easy access and doesn’t strain either partner too much. You can alternate doing the work so you don’t get tired as quickly.
69. This one is, of course, a classic, and doesn’t require any kind of penetration. Oral sex is always fun, and it’s even better if both partners are getting it. This is a pretty simple position, but it can be done in all sorts of ways. You can try lying on top of each or side by side in any number of configurations—find out what’s comfortable for you. Either way, you and your partner both get the opportunity to please and be pleased.
The Sexual Health Information Center is a student-run resource center located on the first floor of Main Hall. SHIC offers confidential one-on-one peer education sessions and also sells condoms (more than 20 kinds!), dental dams, lube, pregnancy tests and more for affordable prices.
We’re open 3-5 p.m. on Sundays, 7-9 p.m. Mondays and Thursdays, and 4-6 p.m. Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays.