On the night of Wednesday, Oct. 28, the S&B sent Copy Editor Jack O’Malley ’17 (left) and News Editor Jon Sundby ’17 on a deep cover assignment into the depths of Noyce. They went to investigate claims of inexplicable occurrences that have been happening ever since the building opened its doors seven years ago. The following is a transcript of the peculiar events that followed.
10:00 p.m. – Jack and Jon have reached the bowels of Noyce. The fluorescent lights cast a pale glow that gives a surreal sheen to the surroundings.
10:30 p.m. – Established a base camp in the neuroscience wing. Jon has grown extremely hungry at this point. Jon eats a bag of Boston Baked Beans® and suddenly does not feel so great.
10:31 p.m. – Jon attempts to find a bathroom.
10:35 p.m. – Jon has walked past the Herbarium at least three times now. Jon still has not found the bathroom.
10:46 p.m. – Jack begins to get worried. Jack starts off on a rescue mission. Jack can’t find Jon.
10:57 p.m. – Both Jon and Jack are beginning to doubt the success of their respective missions.
11:09 p.m. – Jon meets success in the bathroom. Jack is still searching in vain.
11:14 p.m. – Jon washes his hands and looks into the mirror and sees nothing. Jon realizes that this must be what the soul looks like.
11:45 p.m. – Jon has yet to reach Jack, his mind begins to wander and he realizes that he hasn’t seen a single person in over an hour. He begins to worry.
11:59 p.m. – Jon realizes that the world is a paper stage and Jon is just an actor floating through it. Wonders when the world will finally dissolve into the All-Knowing Void.
12:03 a.m. – Jon looks back into the mirror and sees Jack looking into his eyes.
12:03 a.m. – Jack wakes up from a nap and is generally disoriented.
12:04 a.m. – Jack wonders what happened to Jon. Jack is hungry.
12:05 a.m. – Jack hears footsteps in the distance. The lights flicker and a cold settles in the hallways.
12:06 a.m. – Jack really starts to worry about Jon. Wonders if Jon still has the Boston Baked Beans®.
12:13 a.m. – Jack finishes playing Clash of Clans® and decides to find Jon.
1:02 a.m. – Jon comes to next to the Herbarium. What could possibly be inside this mysterious room? Jon peers inside the window, but only sees a reflection of milky darkness.
1:14 a.m. – Jon runs through the halls desperately trying to find an exit. The walls keep changing colors. Red, White, Green, Magenta, Chartreuse, Mauve. Is Jon still in Iowa? Jon realizes he hasn’t seen a person in hours.
1:15 a.m. – Jack has not seen Jon. Jack hears footsteps behind him. Turns around and sees no one. This is the seventh time.
1:20 a.m. – Jack sees a lone red chair and slumps down in it.
1:34 a.m. – Jack decides to give up the search and try to get some rest. The red chair provides him with the warmth and comfort that is contrasted by the cold and clinical fluorescent lighting above him.
1:37 a.m. – Jack falls asleep.
4:20 a.m. – Jon wakes up and sees some mysterious smoke slowly rising from underneath the door of the Herbarium. Jon walks over and peers inside Herbarium, only to see his lifeless blue eyes staring back at him. Jon’s vision closes in and he passes out yet again.
7:32 a.m. – Jack arises startled and sweaty in the lone red chair. He sees Jon sprawled out on the floor beside his chair. Jon says, “What’s up man?”