6:15 a.m.—Awaken to first alarm, which was set under the proviso that I’d rise and catch up on work. Since my willpower is nothing, I turn it (and the five other ones I set) off and go back to sleep.
8:00 a.m.—ACTUALLY awaken. Check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat. As always, I send [clarkjoh] a Snap. Even from 4,500 miles away we are sure to maintain our nearly year-long streak.
8:15 a.m.—I’ve spoiled myself with too much rest and social media, and I have class in 15 minutes. I bolt out of bed, get dressed, hurriedly pack my messenger bag and leave my room all within seven minutes.
8:28 a.m.—Roll into History of Ancient Philosophy and take my seat next to the illustrious [mohrcait]. We’re discussing Aristotle today, so I’m ready to make some distinctions.
9:30 a.m.—Existential crisis. “But what if the Polis is natural? Do I even have a choice of joining?”
10:02 a.m.—My inspired decision to lead the good life ends abruptly with my purchase of salt and vinegar chips and a Big Cookie™ at the Grill. Aristotle is rolling in his grave.
10:15 a.m.—Head back to my room to consume my purchases and read Graham Allison.
12:00 p.m.—Decide to forgo lunch in favor of an episode of Mad Men. I am on my sixth rewatch and already on season five.
1:50 p.m.—Seminar on U.S. foreign policy. Become worried at the prospect of nuclear war between the United States and China.
4:00 p.m.—Chalk earlier fears of nuclear annihilation up to low blood sugar, and assuage them by buying a Sprite. Find a comfy spot to work in JRC until the D-Hall opens.
4:30 p.m.—Receive dinner invitations from the fabulous [reschluk]. Begrudgingly accept despite my whirlwind social schedule.
5:00 p.m.—Head into the D-Hall with the intention of getting stir-fry. The line is already 20-deep by the time I get there, so opt for cheese pizza instead. Fear that I will come to regret this decision.
5:45 p.m.—Dinner conversation with [reschluk] hits its zenith with a conversation about people I hate on Instagram and Björk music videos.
6:47 p.m.—Leave D-Hall and realize I have to read four chapters of a book for class tomorrow. Mild panic ensues.
9:15 p.m.—Two chapters into this reading. It’s time for a break, so I get up for a stretch and encounter [mohrcait] shredding on his recently purchased board quite literally inside the library. He offers to teach me, but I must decline this offer.
11:09 p.m.—Finish remaining chapters of reading. Decide that I am burnt out and head back to my room.
12:00 a.m.—Receive pestering from family group chat to watch new episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I’ll comply tomorrow. Demand pictures of my dog, which I (thankfully) receive.
1:00 a.m.—Respond to emails I didn’t get to earlier. Check all social media for the fourteenth time for some spicy takes on issues of the day. Find none, so decide to lull myself to sleep with another episode of Mad Men.
1:45 a.m.—The episode ends on a cliffhanger and I immediately regret this choice, even though I have seen the following episode several times.
2:00 a.m.—Pass out.
—Editor’s note: Maxwell Fenton ’19 is the opinions editor of The S&B.